Create Your Own Museum of Adventures

You walk down the street as if everything is fine

2011-01-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

You decide to walk down the street as you would if there isn't anything wrong. Or, you walk down the street. The sky is bleary -but that could just as well be your eyes -you don't remember if you had breakfast as that decision seems to be relevant here as your achilles' heels, shin bones connected to your ankle bones muscles and pavement over slight gradients and significant noise in the mix making things harder in ways you can easily handle. You are walking, you bipedal human you. You know what it is to walk and you as you look up towards school, you realize you are there.

to say, "odd that it took so quick to walk here," and wander towards your locker

to receive bonus sensory information from the walk -if you've eaten breakfast already at this point in the narrative.

to go straight to the library.

No one sees you as you walk through the turnstile.

2011-01-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

You decide to work your way through the exit to the library. You look back and realize that you are through already. Your feet are oriented northward. You know that this as you walk through what ammounts to a short-cut to your biology class in any event.

There is an odd tug at the right side of your right leg. You turn your head without really even registering the little degree of pain but knowing that it was peculiar.
To your surprise, you see a cart for library books with wheels on the bottom so it can be pushed.

To not even look at the cart hitting your leg -or maybe it was just you got your sweater caught in it -maintaining your turgid facade, turn to page the next in this series being oh, 78a

To at least use your eyes and take any temporary moment of thought or coincidence or change that seems real and true and good - to just go with that, go to another page. I should tell you, it isn't going to be a bunch of pages of an excursion in either event.

But the choice here is an important one because the past has a way of catching up to you. And while no matter what choice you choose to lead, you are going to make it to that science class (bio-chem as the class was more often called as science class). But based upon the way people know what you will have done, so you must know this always happens at the beginning.

You explain what the accursed share means to you

2011-01-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

What, no, that can't be what they said.
October is the bad month for the wind.
nepenthe
the space in the middle of atoms

"It is not necessity but rather its contrary, *luxury*, which provides living matter in general and especially people with the majority of their problems."

or so. The only possible end result of any series of profitable events is the eventual squandering of that profit - gloriously or catastrophically.

This is fundamental and true but people miss it because they view "the economy" narrowly and as a series of discrete acts that are not part of the fundamental flow of energy through the universe.

You content yourself with the slumber of conventional knowledge ...

2010-12-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

You cannot solve the enigma. You cannot measure up to the universe if you content yourself with the slumber of conventional knowledge.

...

that violent movement, sudden and shocking, which jostles the mind, taking away its tranquility;

-georges bataille

To Take A Renewed Interest In The United States Supreme Court and Constitutional Law

2010-12-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Griswold v Connecticut - birth control

Lawrence v Texas sodomy

Lochner V New York - candidate for worst decision ever

Miranda v Arizona - limits on police interrogations

Marbury v Madison - Past dick moves by John Adams cannot simply be ignored even if Thomas Jefferson becomes president and goes predictably mad with power so long as John Adams was being a dick in an official federal capacity. Oh and John Marshall found this new part of the Constitution that he -John Marshall -had just made up. It let the Supreme Court (coincidentally now led by John Marshall) settle this type of dispute. And Marshall could decide in favor of the president who appointed him and that was fine.

Bush V Gore - candidate for worst decision ever

thorn in the side of a man

2010-12-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

The never forget bullshit never sat right with me. And now, America is still in denial. It takes a lot of work and introspection (granted, not America’s strong suit) but it is possible to recover. But it helps if you want to. If you recognize what behaviors are irrational or damaging. Look at which coping tools may have temporarily served some purpose but really cause more damage in other areas. Torturing suspected terrorists is a maladaptive coping mechanism that hurts America’s recovery.

You have to go to the root memories and normalize them. Work them into the real narrative flow of your life. So normalizing the events means taking away the sacred power of their pain. That pain is not holy pain. It is not untouchable pain. It is not good pain. At least it wasn’t for me and certainly isn’t for America. Yeah sure, you can have a reasonable reaction to unreasonable events. But you then have to understand that those reactions don’t work in most other situations.

Dismantle every change. Move on.

2010-12-05T18:40:00.000-08:00

Stop waiting for something horrible to happen.

To Choose The Future To Doubt What is Going On

2010-11-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

To choose the future, go to page 55
To doubt what is going on, go to page 31

You neglect your journal, leaving it untouched for weeks.

2010-11-17T08:55:00.000-08:00

Erin comes into your room. You heard her coming and she can see that you are at your desk. You're pretty sure this is going to be one of those times where you think it is bullshit she makes such a big deal of being Erin the human instead of Ms Botz, the science teacher. Hell, Ms Botz was already a nickname off of her full-name. It's Ms Botsukowski - but you aren't sure of the spelling. For a second you think maybe Erin is a made-up name.

But that tumbles out of your mind as Ms Botz is wearing her authority glasses. You wonder when you noticed about those purple glasses and how she always wears them when she is telling someone what to do. She is talking to you about your journal and what you have written in it lately. She knows you haven't been writing. You mention that you have been living the future and it slows you down to much to stop in the middle of things. You reject a couple nasty phrases you could say -hoping she'll go away.

You can't figure out what is making you the most upset about this whole thing. She didn't knock. You're increasingly positive that she does the thing with the authority glasses on purpose. And how the fuck does she know you haven't been writing anyways and you realize she has no special purchase on this new world. You decide that she has been leaning heavily on her teacher-student position with everyone from the class.

You still believe everything you all decided in there. And you are grateful that you made it to that science class and for all the support that came out of that. But Ms Botz is obviously having trouble finding spots in the new changing ways. So you know why she hovers, needles, and bosses her way through human contact.

But she is seriously starting to piss you off.

To make a snide comment about her glasses and follow that path towards a confrontation where you belittle her worth ... go to page 45.

To engage in frank, constructive dialog about your journal, whether Ms Botz -Erin -is going to be an equal, and why she has no special rights over your things or your actions because of her status from Before ... go to page 62

To have the discipline and focus of a fart keep writing as much as you have been

2010-11-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

To actually be what you are, write the fucking thing. Write any part of any thing. Just get the word down. Let it be true. Keep coming back.

To have the discipline and focus of a fart keep writing as much as you have been.

To read the English translation of the song Bombay by El Guincho keep reading.

English translation of “Bombay” (the song with the coolest music video ever) :

I look at you from above in case everything ends
I want you to remember me as in the beginning
There is something that stops me from seeing where I am going
I don't know what it is that is in front of me

We are no longer children
We learned from the things that happened to us and we are never different
Don’t go to China, there are no curtains there like the ones that kept us hidden from everyone

You walk without a parasol at the edge of the island
That frowns up on me because I didn’t come back
Not everything is my fault
Everything is different and if you don't see it’s because you
Don’t want to see it or you don't want to see me

There was something that could be repeated
You want to make me believe it
But it’s a fairy tale
I haven’t been able to write a line for 200 days
And it doesn't look like it will change now
Listen, I ask you to stay where you can find what you need
But you ask me to stay where you can see me
Or until you tire of looking for me.

El Guincho - Bombay from CANADA on Vimeo.

video Not Safe For American Prudishness. Yes, there are brief clips of topless women, but they're in the artistic context established in the Carl Sagan inspired opening.

give yer gob a go with yer gulliver, yobbo

2010-11-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

I just created a google documents spreadsheet where you can get the layout all done and have links to each page of the blog in cells and move them around or just see and shit another way to foster community contribution. you mean this shit is fun to do. You keep leaving things vague with my moronic misunderstanding of some wave writing theory You want to invite people to this blog as co-authors. You think about what it would be like in the we person. if instead of second person it were the we person. what is that, fourth, me plus she is we 1st plus 34d is four?

but that was cheating on this blog with words about this typed else-where - so this is what is in that link above now below

gasp maybe each cell - certainly not each post (see here you are writing with a meta or editorial tag but not a narrative pro

Create Your Own Museum of Adventure.
You are still getting everything organized here
so each row could be a new choice branch or then when ones finished its a column. whatever you'll figure it out as you go
second person, present tense
or I think maybe each numbered row is a narrative thread. And you can hop up and down them.
okay so what does a story need.
characters
story
aims
conflict
setting
adventure

You will be written ocassionally as pages (or blog posts) from 50 to 150 words

2010-11-07T07:05:00.000-08:00

You will be written ocassionally as pages (or blog posts) from 50 to 150 words. I am going to invite a small random bunch out of the corpus, "people I think are way cool and think might do this.

This is a choose your own adventure.

No, this is a create your own adventure.

50-150 words - if you go over 150, just pick a number after what you would then go back and number your first page. or give yourself two choices, you can then right to another choice page, an end page, a rejoin the story page, a you're dead and this adventure is seriously over page (I might want to look at that but if you want that cool.

and there are beginnings under the tag beginnings and choice pages with tag choice.

So, I'm using a version of the wave method of writing for NaNoWriMo here. The specific version is molded by my hazy memory of something that was not properly explained to me and I didn't really get at the time beyond incorporating some of the talk or what it seemed like she did with it.

And it is a metaphorical wave method. There are these bits - some even of other things - but part of what the soul memory and community feelings that are represented by the various stories of other times and places you in various guises - and so these make up part of the museum of adventures - It is an attempt at creating in non-Gonzo format a more-Gonzo than I've ever seen printed account from the account of you. A you written by an author (a community can be an author) me and three people thinking of helping.

So. you can

but it is a choose your own adventure so there is adventure and it is you doing the adventuring. Second person, present tense.

oh and we need character pages. You can email me or call me or come see me or I'll stop by. It may take till the end of the month for me to organize this shit and explain what I want you to do:
write 50 to 150 words of an adventure starting with the main on which is that you woke up one morning and everyone was gone - just gone - you didn't even notice right away.

And then it turned out that it was only most people who had disappeared without warning, notice, or explanation. And you are about 16 when this starts and you walk to your high school and you end up after many realizations and choices (or few) you end up going to your 3rd period science class. You are Tracey Fletcher and for no good reason that is ever explained -likewise there is no explanation given for what happened to everyone. For me that isn't meant to really be a focus. Like Lost kept pretending that it was all going to end up making sense. fuck shit. never mind.

"Now, Nick, you don't swear like that when you talk ... why do you swear so much in your writing" "I don't know and I swear less when I am around you than when I am in other situations."

So you just

get bits of plot down. Even sentences even phrases. Those are legit posts here.

Or you can do choices as comments as regular comments

ok so

Songs about Birds

2010-11-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Songs about birds

from Bitch tapes

Then there is my
13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird playlist based on Wallace Stevens's poem 13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird. where each of the 13 songs corresponds to the 13 stanzas which evoke 13 Ways of looking at a blackbird in an amazing way.

I've changed this mix more than any I've ever made and all the songs are meant 10 be 2009 releases (the album Sea Sew by Lisa Hannigan came out in 09 in the US but the single I Don't Know came out in 08 in the UK but it fit so perfect. Same reason for Wilco's Bull Black Nova which has no video except shitty fan at concert vids or the album track with album cover.

There wasn't a video for Bill Callahan aka smog's Too Many Birds In One Tree.

I can add other mixes about birds and please send yours to me.

Gilgamesh

2010-11-05T00:09:00.000-07:00

Please Father, do something quickly before the people overwhelm heaven with their heart-rending cries.

30.5 degrees Centipede

2010-11-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

It is 93 degrees F, 30.5 Celsius, higher than the predicted high today. Much hotter than most November afternoons. There is a huge mass of air swooping down from the high desert to the ocean. It must squeeze through mountain ranges whipping into ferocious gusts.

Mostly it is just physics, with the higher altitude air being much less dense, it has far fewer molecules per bit of area. As the air descends the air moves into much more pressure as it reaches 0 ft above sea level.

With the winds and the pressure and something to do with ions, the air soaks up moisture. Water is ripped through your skin into the drying air. Water is sucked out of plants and trees and every living thing making fire dangers much worse.

These are the devil winds, the bitch winds, the santa anas.

It is the first of this year and it is the time when assault and divorce rates spike and termites colonies swarm out with ridiculous wings trying to end up someplace they can burrow themselves into.

Existing now, here, anywhere around, you are in conditions ripe for crankiness

You show an interest in the Citizen Guide to the Galaxy - page whatever

2010-11-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

You have tried to strain credulity by avoiding the self-evident otherness of the object. But how great the fit. And the feeling of the fit fitting.

Through various data transfer networks / or paper or all sorts of different things as you have grappled with as you have tried to retain and style the

it is like the hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy, "sort of an electronic book" "haphazardly updated over the sub-ether net.

And in some of the more relaxed civilizations on the outer left arm of the galaxy (like Earth at coordinates ZZ9 plural Z alpha)

all entities whose lifespans originate in any of the plural zones, you risk death by going through hyperspace and should choose not to do so ... please do not eat this ticket

I have another blog post that gets at what I was meaning to say there but didn't

On Becoming Lost

2010-11-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

On Becoming Lost

One purpose of a hiking guide is to present information in such a manner that people do not become lost. Hiking isn't like riding a horse or a bicycle. If one is lost while riding a horse just relax, maybe even close your eyes and let the reins go slack -the horse often knows the way home. Having spent some time on a bike I suspect that bikers don't mind being lost -it's just another experience -and everything will be O.K. Hikers, however, can become concerned if lost and a vague sense of apprehension sets in -in rare instances panic.

Stop, sit down, and gain control of your thinking. Resist the temptation of thrashing around hoping for a miracle. Mark the spot with something you can recognize, then retrace your route to the last known spot where your location is certain. Keep your daypack with you at all times. You can try yelling then listen. Some people carry a whistle, three strong blasts could catch someone's attention. Look at your map and orient it using your compass. Many of us believe in carrying the "Eleven essentials." Map and compass is on that list. Following an unknown stream downhill is not always a good idea. Some of our streams are difficult.

I've spent my share of time looking for lost trails and am of the belief that only the lone hiker is in serious danger. Groups of two or more can become lost but the mutual support of others with whom to share responsibility and ideas is a great comfort.

page 63

dire wolves encouraged by the foresight and generosity of a dwarf pronghorn

2010-11-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

aware of word origins to some extent:

Call it courage (Armstrong Sperry)
He is being worked on in the Page Museum laboratory.
We work 7 days a week with 5 paid staff & a number of volunteers.
Chester Stock, PhD Paleontologist January 28 1842 - December 7, 1950
Who, encouraged by the foresight and generosity of G. Allan Hancock, Inspive his many co-workers in developing and preserving the treasures of Rancho La Brea.

The Palliser Novels, The Barsetshire Novels Anthony Trollope
Gardner - Guitar World, Martel - Ralphs, Poinsettia, La Brea - Ross Happy Ending.
pattern of blaming other people. grief. being good pressure.
Use it in a positive way for other situations.
Still more of the baby mastodon we've been finding recently
A skull from a giant sloth (Like the statues to your left.)

Q: Have You Found Anything Today? A: Yes!
The Latest in Box 14's Herbivore News
Recent Fossil Finds Include:
- A tooth from one of our more uncommon herbivores, an extinct dwarf pronghorn
- A lower leg bone from an adult ancient horse
- A piece of jaw, still with teeth, from a young bison.

"I don't believe I ever said that but if I did, I was speaking metaphorically."
I know you want to hear this. Just not yet. You will start wanting to know at some point. It is bad though.

page 3

2010-11-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Very quickly you fall back asleep and experience a fitfully intense dream. There is very little discernible of your situation in this dream that you won't really remember. Even while asleep, part of you remembers the phrase you heard recently that you ruminate over, "privileged access" is the short version and the one that speaks itself the loudest in your head. You also know, "privileged access to yourself."

Someone didn't believe that people have privileged access to themselves despite what most people believe. You don't know that it was Errol Morris quoted by Chuck Klosterman. You never knew that.

to follow the dream the way it comes at you, go to page 5. to dig deep into the true echo memories that underlie the dream go to page 13.

formatting

2010-11-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

one idea is to just write and not worry so much about the format. the other was to get one of the official books and copy one of their formats verbatim. here is a picture from a site that has detailed explanations of the plots and the layout of choices going one or another place

anyways, I think that the entries with labels other than narrative proper should probably count towards the end word count. of course there is silliness here with a blog and not a word processor. I did edit a bit page one. I don't know about details for maybe a thing where there are edits done. I am adding another page from that website which I am stealing too much from. The domain is samizdat and it is dot cc so that makes me seem they are cool with shit. I don't know.

I have this feeling of wanting to take advantage of this. And for me the way that a story is told or the way that I would choose to make things go forward.

Ok, for me, I wouldn't learn a story in a straight narrative. I enjoy the side details and ok side details is wrong - parts that speak truth in giving a window into what it was actually like to experience the thing.

so much of history is completely misunderstood by the people doing it at a time. That is a bit silly sounding because I don't really fall into the camp of people are wrong about their motivations for shit (Marx vs Feurbach on people's experience of religion in their lives) but that say, Robert McNamara really thought that the Viet Nam War was about communism and still does not understand that they were fighting an anti-imperialist freedom struggle

you get this weight of the past. and that is a big part of the themes I want

more an overview

2010-11-01T13:21:00.001-07:00

in the choose your own adventure style,

you are a sixteen year old Tracey Fletcher who wakes up one morning to find most people gone. Over time it transpires that there are a number of people remaining. but it is less than a percent of all people. I just told Elise about the rest. it is this extendid daydream I had all through like junior-high-high-school a little bit into college
but so like there will be like a group of you in whatever neghborhood and you'll be it as far as society is concerned - not totally

and at first there are all sorts of cool things like driving cars that you don't have to buy to stores with bunches of stuff.

but then there are problems because like you have to sort of rebuild parts of society and graft other things onto existing infrastructure

and so there is refrigeration, getting new food becomes more of a long term issue

My original hope is to have it be a generic city type neghborhood/ american suburb but more like a suburban city if it is that where there is enough of a center

I hope to solicit collaborations on certain lines of the choose your own adventure style. like you could do a 80-180 word page continuing on or making a new choice or some people/persons could control a longer area/span.

so then there are other tribes that come in and there are varying levels of morals

I'm trying to stick away from apocalyptic stuff - funny yeah - but stearing away from thunderdome style stuff at least for the first third which is more about you - a not specified whether male or female Tracey

and you go to your high school for the main thread of the choices and so there is learning and books and a sense of community as the you becomes more adept at applied knowledge, practical math and physics and engineering. (try maybe not to have just some "computer whiz who can just do anything by tapping at any computer screen.)

And it is in a while about the possibilities of industrial society on top of agrarian society but without all of the institution-driven forces on top of you you begin to regain your agency and feel your power and limitations as an individual, as a part of humanity and as a society as a whole with tribes and communities and an attempt for localization to win out - even as there are presumably wars and people arguing to be in charge. you miss a deal of that going on on other continents and news travels slowly at the speed of a human traveling.

and the limits of going beyond what you have been socialized to think and feel and value when given the freedom for new social relationships and situations

It is super fucking juicy and there are many different possible avenues of inquiry - which I think dovetails into the choose your own adventure bit.

No zombies - at least - it isn't mainly a zombie thing. the people just disappeared and there isn't a good explanation for it - and while some may be clinging to that past and some may wall themselves away in religious asceticism the main thrust is of a communnity with you in it trying to formulate a way to live, a way to live rightly, and a way to live with quality of life. the how when and where phases ; how do we eat, why do we eat, where shall we have lunch , survival, inquiry, sophistication

k

will use google docs - prob a spreadsheet too.

the start page 1

2010-11-01T12:30:00.001-07:00

You wake up and it is dark and quiet. This is the seventh time that you have woken up this morning. As you settle upon being awake you are dimly aware of having gone back to sleep twice.

The first time you were sweaty and had just had -not a bad but- an intense dream. The second time was about twenty minutes before your alarm and you thought about getting up in order to get a long shower to deal with your extra sweat that you felt all sticky.

You fell back asleep and now you begin to panic because you feel the alarm should have happened already. You check and this is true. Also, why isn't there more noise going on. It should be lighter. You feel unsure.

To get straight out of bed and into the shower go to page 2. To stay in bed and let haziness return go to page 3.

WIth Apologies to the Real People

2010-11-01T01:13:00.000-07:00

Choose Your Own Muffled Rumble

You are Tracey Blair

with Jonathon Fletcher
and Sinclair Lewis
and Dorothy Magee
and Elwayn Blair
and Alexander Blair
and Eric Blair
and William Blair
and Amary.

a tortuos affair of the mind

allowed to play out upon the backdrop of a fantastic novel.

more of a journey
and a shared day dream

choosing which way to go

Trying to hit up NaNoRiMo

and going to get choose your own adventure books to plot out which pages go where and what are the routes to what ends
with a view towards if collaborators are willing to write a page or more on certain limbs.

I don't know how much of a sketch to get out here tonight. It is just 1:18 am PST here on November 1 2010. I decided that this month is a gift from whatever god is and there are opportunities to use this time.

So I am going to try and dive into this. And also possibly dally.
daily

Things are the way they are.

2010-10-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

Things are the way they are.

if you wish they were different

if you believe they are different

if you pretend they are different

if you want them to be different.

Things are the way they are.

That said,

actions change future things that then are the way they are.

but not necessarily the way you wished pretended wanted acted planned ...

This is part of what I do.

2010-03-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

I've saved this.

The Fronting, this too has passed

2010-03-11T18:24:00.000-08:00

The Fronting

this, too has passed.]
Hello Future
how have I been?
2008, September 15

[sorry]
More this is for XXXXXX.
(but not *for* her because that would affect the writing)
Because I am growing up
and I am acting like no bgauiy

and after all
it was after you read a poem
that I had written when you knew you loved me.
And so it is rude to not continue more onward

except for the realities on the ground
focus in on what you *can* do

[XXX XXXXX got married
and I saw a picture of a jolly XXXX and also of XXXX
still shy and apparently still with XXXX!

Hazel. or Heather, which?
was the name of the book that would have had to have been a 500 page book.
not Eleanor no.
Falla
Dance of Terror
Dance of the Game of love
Ritual fire dance

I would usually imagine Harry Potter 8 as a chapbook or as an NC-17 or R movie - 90 minutes.
[I still do but less]

on site pick-up.
[punctuation conference]

oh so it looks like the reaction is coming from somewhere else
... well done ...
[best lowered expectations

there is not anything,
there is phyistastef

It Ended When They Got To Talking
She watched the women sway their hips,
Then, she felt the weight of him.
[swim]
She wanted now to feel him watching,
It was through his eyes she thought of walking.
[lips]

and the whole card notion is pretty much dead at this point yes?

Version 4.0 upgrade firmware first rate way it is meant to be played.
[bioshock]
"it can't all be wedding cake"

ampersand vanilla wafer
creature comforts stand and deliver.
[God damnit it is real.]

with some convenient villainy
plied as wares at a market
by mischivieous old dutch ladies.

(as an old woman looked on, complicit.)
[ pattern recognition software runs down as a failure on the second and third points.

in comportment there is a sense of disturbance in terms of accepted standards.
[Afterwards excuses became untenable]
[Sing for the cameras and enjoy yourself.

it sounds like there are more dudes.
walking down takes away
finding space to calm down in amid during the current political establishment.

The fronting becomes automatic.
Blink your eyes twice, twice
open into a new view of everything now.
Pressure applied via and vice cranks
pressing excess in through the creating mind.

They Gdwe Night
31 hrs ---C the 24th hour had 8 dumb luck happiness and 1 1/2 hrs ago the balance falls

the lack of sleep is muffin the head
pulled forward knit skull cap.
taxachussetts Glen , lend them the pink shade shl rilh thorazine nocaurned

mindbender Steve
taking the long route to nothing
and it is a testament to something that this is probably not the worst I've ever felt
but it is high up there.

I have never on purpose hit my head onto something so hard before or with so much of an effect on me.
I was got a concussion going up for a rebound in 6th grade like Middle School basketball.

Fuck you - something isn't there four months ago? ... well obviously *I* lost it and you decided this a while ago so don't even discuss it. Bullshit.
[Erica Sullivan, Maggie Gylenhal, Maria Sharapova, Angelina Jolie, Selma Hayek]

What is this - gibberish? I don't see how that could be useful to any human being -- including its producer (assuming it is human)
[ The Dull Flame of Desire.

[medical information]
Easement retirement lien foreclosure impeding line appreciated amortization concluded Connecticut water fountain,

distancing the borders of thought
piercing the network of consideration
tension writ large
landscape devastated by emotional control
and the lack of it.
"in the fountain of the mayor's residence."
forget to wipe your forehead - this heat bastes it good and constant.

[shit am home but its better then ice.]
"everyone that ever was is in us."
bodily persistent and self assured considering the accidental random nature of its existence.

[address and directions]

[address]
these blocks in cast log -- dislluug to yer yar y
and so, how would Richard Harris? Dumbledore1 play in Harry Potter 5 given the same lines and all compared to Michael Gambon.

tension writ large on a landscape devastated by emotional control and the lack of it.
[XXXXXXX + XXXXXXXX]

I miss infinity. round, and I miss music with squares. flat ending round eternal.

[medical information]

offer and consideration is all that is left
when people are playing games, they'll play their role
as if to do so was desirable and morally right.

[address]
Debussy The Sea
1 from dawn to noon the sea
2 Play of the waves
3 Dialogue of the wind and the Sea

Ambergris
This body, trapped of every drop of breath,
In vast eruption of its swollen pride,
Proclaims itself the very whale of death;
Yet, I believe, the hand that plumbs its side
Will gather dissolutions sweet increase.
Exquisite fern of death - in nature ambergris.

Meanwhile, thinking of love, I have been dressed
For such destruction, though it surely break,
Come pluck the deep wild kernel of my breeze,
That wafer of devotion and partake
Of its complicated sweetness, till it bring
The soul to rise upon the fleshly wing.

If gent heart be scorned, in scorn of it
I shall immerse it in such bitterness,
Breathe every pulse in such an acid wit,
That from Mawmot, cold and featureless
Event of age, my enemies will flee,
Whereas my friends will stay and pillage me.

My novel in napkin form

2010-03-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

[I am typing up an unedited transcription of the novel in napkin form. With the actual napkin you start with it folded small. Each /// represents the end of a napkin surface signaling where one would unfold to reach a larger, thinner surface. Also, the original literal translation included crossed out lines, missing letters, stray ink, etc]

open slowly
use your eye-lids when needed ///

I saw the storm of tomorrow brewing
in the shallow ocean of today. I saw Gregory
had been talking. I also saw the sun was
coming more over the power plant on land.
Due East and the sea were in accord ///

1 Incandescent
Torchier Lamp
crackles now too
slow now too brate

3 What is that?
- That is spit frozen
on the sidewalk

4 Tear the force-field down

2 Forgetful artistry
brewing up stews
in contingency for ...
something

5 Low spells of torture in a
soft daydream

6 Melancholic delight ///

8 and inside things move slower. The hope is that if the cycle slows and hit enough ________________ is seen from enough angles. The hopefully something grander will emerge. Blatancy supersedes and judgment and a level of confusion enters the air ______ quite possibly tempered

And so there is a seventeen-year-old and a nineteen-year-old sitting on cold sand watching the sun eke over a (somehow) smoking power station. Feeling. A strange activity in that sense for Alexander. (Feelings had turned into bad feelings which turned into worse feelings which had turned into numbness which turned into a feeling of non-feeling.) And now ... the Moon the everything ///

e ma n er of peace bottoms out. In accordance x ome forgotten dream (of purpose) I inject my it with embalmer's fluid - became confused, panic- and continue with a self-assurance born out of repetition repetition. The panic. In the preceding confusion, a gap in the embalming process occurs and anything rushes into the once pure museum with humidity control. Why is this message here? A hyper-distilled fugue. The cycles spun round to align. Unexpectedly the cellar door opens to the sunlight somehow bringing in all weather- concentrated, distilled.

In a lifestyle such as this, This is how things stick. "Hey Gregory?" "Yes, Alexander" What is this? This is the tape recorder of your life. "How does that work? ____________ and the questioning - the preceding confusion - this whatever X tinged absence because here, "What is that?" "That is spit frozen on the sidewalk" "oh" And that is close enough a description as anyone could reasonably ask.

And you aren't so much in control over what precipitation freezes and what doesn't. Depends on what you and I and how and why. Walking out of the intricately delirious rhythms of the coffee show ___ stomach, tongue and mind burned stale - I see my unfinished magnum opus - looking up and down New York City Avenues at red lights, The avenues that stretch for dozens of blocks unbroken ///

[This side was left blank] /[There could be double all 4 pages by writing on the back]/ (also I used bigger handwriting in 2nd quarter or one 00 eighth) /

He -------------------------------------------------------------------------//

~wakes up` : in an odd way like Neo at the beginning of The Matrix 3 all white and confused and in a subway station alone and it's so modern it's ultra modern and changing quite a bit./

Alexander ~wakes up ` in the gem room of the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. he begins //

to a tincture of of potentia --------------------------------------l
you see. it comes in many ways. they get fuzzy around the edges because the edges is where you try to. contain it but not really fits at thr eee ee e
ackwardsb back bass doublyes you see. +he edges confuse
and distort///

male bb female bb
phenotype bb * bb
genotype bb * bb

----------------- green Brown
hazel------------eyes light blue
-----------------yellow Brown

but light brown the kid has.///

knowledge comes from within ///

lolcat and the hat keyboard / 1 ^ 140 char set keyboard / flashcards symbols

sixth avenue empties into dawn (executive summary version)

2010-03-07T14:13:00.000-08:00

i wondered why anything would be created to feel. this way, got up and walked east to find enough sun to burn my eyes away. trying to figure out how to stop my cigarettes from burning (smoke) when they weren't needed

WM Blair

an almost lacy feel

2010-03-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

like ache and yearn and make weird hand gestures. Are you coming in to go to the party tonight is that tonight - when I go back to the apartment - nothing had really changed - at least - or something. I can come back anytime. your skin is soft but it also has an almost lacy feel

some outshining

2010-03-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

so what ...
Since I am the least bit weaker than Atticus Finch ...
I'm a weak and untrustworthy man?
Please draft me into a smaller pool of men
with only tricksy losers available as reference

Introduction

2010-03-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

The previous post, "The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars" takes the form if what I originally envisioned this blog consisting of. It is a loose page that was at the front of the front section of the broken file folder containing the remnants of "The Museum" an unfinished novel.

There were a number of different beginnings before that one. I'll make another post about how it was that the novel became something that was not finished and also probably never to be finished.

One major reason for typing them into the computer in the first place is that many if not most of the papers I have related to the museum are physical copies and the only copies I have. I have lost a but load of this. And those losings really played a factor in the changing of the novel and the unfinishingableness of the whole affair.

Some will be saved on The Dude. But that computer is in windows format and some of the files are in works not word. More importantly I do not have The Dude or access to him and I don't know if this situation will ever change (even slightly).

Now, the title for the first post was, "The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars". The title on the single sheet of paper I have contains the title "And the Rising Sun Outshone All the Night Stars" which is different and longer. I was thinking to just type the things in they way they were. But this one is sort of old and I ended up cutting a number of adjectives and adverbs. There were some faint pencil notations that I didn't get right away but now I see them but they weren't taken care of in the typing in. Obviously I didn't do much substantial editing.

I first typed it into a google document. Because I became worried about this being the internet and blogs being a publishing of things. Now I don't expect this to be published and I don't think anyone is reading this - well maybe in the future some robots will read it and up to ten or 20 people. But those robots have good memories. And I stuck a bunch of things in the museum folder which were more one off things that I added as sort of background type shit for the museum or they were thematically kind of similar.

Also, much of the writing is old. I started in 2000 but most of it was 2001-2 By 2003 I was already thinking it was a lost cause. But that didn't stop me from adding new bits

The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars

2010-03-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars

"Hurry up, we're going to miss it."
"What the fuck are you talking about Gregory? How can you miss the sunrise?"
"The point is to watch the sun rise over the ocean, yes? Well, if we aren't at the ocean at the time the sun rises, we will have missed it. The sun will rise, yes, but we won't see the sun rise over the ocean. So get your ass ready; I don't want to miss the sunrise."

I let out a hasty sigh. There were a number of objections I could have raised. Though, any one on its own would have been incidental to what I was feeling at the moment. I chose not to get sidetracked and let a dozen petty arguments slowly fizzle out into oblivion: tapped into the ashtray of words left unspoken, ideas left unformed.

He was already in the car when I breached the heavy threshold separating suburban home from everything else. The cold was a shock as we had been having something of an Indian summer. I saw my exhaled smoke hang slow and thick in the air. A dozen unrelated thoughts popped up but were gone as soon as I saw my brother's concerned eyes waiting from behind the wheel.

I sat down in the rusty red Honda and felt the familiar motions of a car in reverse as soon as I'd shut the door. My muscles habitually turned my left hand up and over to the seat belt dangling near the window. I paused for five seconds. I looked down at the lit cigarette in my right hand. I looked out at the predawn sky hunched over the familiar street flying past the window with unnatural speed. I looked at the young stubble on Gregory's grimacing face. Time slowed. The trees floated past and I could see each one clearly, a free-frame image of each before they whizzed past.

My left arm settled uneasily at my side. The seat buckle was left dangling. I took a long drag on the cigarette and held it deep in my lungs as I rolled down the window. A lifetime's obsession with auto safety ruined in one moment of resigned desperation. I wasn't sure if Gregory noticed or if he would say something if he did.