This is part of what I do.

I've saved this.

The Fronting, this too has passed

The Fronting

this, too has passed.]
Hello Future
how have I been?
2008, September 15

[sorry]
More this is for XXXXXX.
(but not *for* her because that would affect the writing)
Because I am growing up
and I am acting like no bgauiy

and after all
it was after you read a poem
that I had written when you knew you loved me.
And so it is rude to not continue more onward

except for the realities on the ground
focus in on what you *can* do

[XXX XXXXX got married
and I saw a picture of a jolly XXXX and also of XXXX
still shy and apparently still with XXXX!

Hazel. or Heather, which?
was the name of the book that would have had to have been a 500 page book.
not Eleanor no.
Falla
Dance of Terror
Dance of the Game of love
Ritual fire dance

I would usually imagine Harry Potter 8 as a chapbook or as an NC-17 or R movie - 90 minutes.
[I still do but less]

on site pick-up.
[punctuation conference]

oh so it looks like the reaction is coming from somewhere else
... well done ...
[best lowered expectations

there is not anything,
there is phyistastef

It Ended When They Got To Talking
She watched the women sway their hips,
Then, she felt the weight of him.
[swim]
She wanted now to feel him watching,
It was through his eyes she thought of walking.
[lips]

and the whole card notion is pretty much dead at this point yes?

Version 4.0 upgrade firmware first rate way it is meant to be played.
[bioshock]
"it can't all be wedding cake"

ampersand vanilla wafer
creature comforts stand and deliver.
[God damnit it is real.]

with some convenient villainy
plied as wares at a market
by mischivieous old dutch ladies.

(as an old woman looked on, complicit.)
[ pattern recognition software runs down as a failure on the second and third points.

in comportment there is a sense of disturbance in terms of accepted standards.
[Afterwards excuses became untenable]
[Sing for the cameras and enjoy yourself.

it sounds like there are more dudes.
walking down takes away
finding space to calm down in amid during the current political establishment.

The fronting becomes automatic.
Blink your eyes twice, twice
open into a new view of everything now.
Pressure applied via and vice cranks
pressing excess in through the creating mind.

They Gdwe Night
31 hrs ---C the 24th hour had 8 dumb luck happiness and 1 1/2 hrs ago the balance falls

the lack of sleep is muffin the head
pulled forward knit skull cap.
taxachussetts Glen , lend them the pink shade shl rilh thorazine nocaurned

mindbender Steve
taking the long route to nothing
and it is a testament to something that this is probably not the worst I've ever felt
but it is high up there.

I have never on purpose hit my head onto something so hard before or with so much of an effect on me.
I was got a concussion going up for a rebound in 6th grade like Middle School basketball.

Fuck you - something isn't there four months ago? ... well obviously *I* lost it and you decided this a while ago so don't even discuss it. Bullshit.
[Erica Sullivan, Maggie Gylenhal, Maria Sharapova, Angelina Jolie, Selma Hayek]

What is this - gibberish? I don't see how that could be useful to any human being -- including its producer (assuming it is human)
[ The Dull Flame of Desire.

[medical information]
Easement retirement lien foreclosure impeding line appreciated amortization concluded Connecticut water fountain,

distancing the borders of thought
piercing the network of consideration
tension writ large
landscape devastated by emotional control
and the lack of it.
"in the fountain of the mayor's residence."
forget to wipe your forehead - this heat bastes it good and constant.

[shit am home but its better then ice.]
"everyone that ever was is in us."
bodily persistent and self assured considering the accidental random nature of its existence.

[address and directions]

[address]
these blocks in cast log -- dislluug to yer yar y
and so, how would Richard Harris? Dumbledore1 play in Harry Potter 5 given the same lines and all compared to Michael Gambon.

tension writ large on a landscape devastated by emotional control and the lack of it.
[XXXXXXX + XXXXXXXX]

I miss infinity. round, and I miss music with squares. flat ending round eternal.

[medical information]

offer and consideration is all that is left
when people are playing games, they'll play their role
as if to do so was desirable and morally right.

[address]
Debussy The Sea
1 from dawn to noon the sea
2 Play of the waves
3 Dialogue of the wind and the Sea


Ambergris
This body, trapped of every drop of breath,
In vast eruption of its swollen pride,
Proclaims itself the very whale of death;
Yet, I believe, the hand that plumbs its side
Will gather dissolutions sweet increase.
Exquisite fern of death - in nature ambergris.

Meanwhile, thinking of love, I have been dressed
For such destruction, though it surely break,
Come pluck the deep wild kernel of my breeze,
That wafer of devotion and partake
Of its complicated sweetness, till it bring
The soul to rise upon the fleshly wing.

If gent heart be scorned, in scorn of it
I shall immerse it in such bitterness,
Breathe every pulse in such an acid wit,
That from Mawmot, cold and featureless
Event of age, my enemies will flee,
Whereas my friends will stay and pillage me.

My novel in napkin form

[I am typing up an unedited transcription of the novel in napkin form. With the actual napkin you start with it folded small. Each /// represents the end of a napkin surface signaling where one would unfold to reach a larger, thinner surface. Also, the original literal translation included crossed out lines, missing letters, stray ink, etc]

open slowly
use your eye-lids when needed ///

I saw the storm of tomorrow brewing
in the shallow ocean of today. I saw Gregory
had been talking. I also saw the sun was
coming more over the power plant on land.
Due East and the sea were in accord ///

1 Incandescent
Torchier Lamp
crackles now too
slow now too brate

3 What is that?
- That is spit frozen
on the sidewalk

4 Tear the force-field down

2 Forgetful artistry
brewing up stews
in contingency for ...
something

5 Low spells of torture in a
soft daydream

6 Melancholic delight ///

8 and inside things move slower. The hope is that if the cycle slows and hit enough ________________ is seen from enough angles. The hopefully something grander will emerge. Blatancy supersedes and judgment and a level of confusion enters the air ______ quite possibly tempered

And so there is a seventeen-year-old and a nineteen-year-old sitting on cold sand watching the sun eke over a (somehow) smoking power station. Feeling. A strange activity in that sense for Alexander. (Feelings had turned into bad feelings which turned into worse feelings which had turned into numbness which turned into a feeling of non-feeling.) And now ... the Moon the everything ///

e ma n er of peace bottoms out. In accordance x ome forgotten dream (of purpose) I inject my it with embalmer's fluid - became confused, panic- and continue with a self-assurance born out of repetition repetition. The panic. In the preceding confusion, a gap in the embalming process occurs and anything rushes into the once pure museum with humidity control. Why is this message here? A hyper-distilled fugue. The cycles spun round to align. Unexpectedly the cellar door opens to the sunlight somehow bringing in all weather- concentrated, distilled.

In a lifestyle such as this, This is how things stick. "Hey Gregory?" "Yes, Alexander" What is this? This is the tape recorder of your life. "How does that work? ____________ and the questioning - the preceding confusion - this whatever X tinged absence because here, "What is that?" "That is spit frozen on the sidewalk" "oh" And that is close enough a description as anyone could reasonably ask.

And you aren't so much in control over what precipitation freezes and what doesn't. Depends on what you and I and how and why. Walking out of the intricately delirious rhythms of the coffee show ___ stomach, tongue and mind burned stale - I see my unfinished magnum opus - looking up and down New York City Avenues at red lights, The avenues that stretch for dozens of blocks unbroken ///

[This side was left blank] /[There could be double all 4 pages by writing on the back]/ (also I used bigger handwriting in 2nd quarter or one 00 eighth) /

He -------------------------------------------------------------------------//

~wakes up` : in an odd way like Neo at the beginning of The Matrix 3 all white and confused and in a subway station alone and it's so modern it's ultra modern and changing quite a bit./

Alexander ~wakes up ` in the gem room of the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. he begins //

to a tincture of of potentia --------------------------------------l
you see. it comes in many ways. they get fuzzy around the edges because the edges is where you try to. contain it but not really fits at thr eee ee e
ackwardsb back bass doublyes you see. +he edges confuse
and distort///



male bb female bb
phenotype bb * bb
genotype bb * bb

----------------- green Brown
hazel------------eyes light blue
-----------------yellow Brown

but light brown the kid has.///


knowledge comes from within ///

lolcat and the hat keyboard / 1 ^ 140 char set keyboard / flashcards symbols

sixth avenue empties into dawn (executive summary version)

i wondered why anything would be created to feel. this way, got up and walked east to find enough sun to burn my eyes away. trying to figure out how to stop my cigarettes from burning (smoke) when they weren't needed



WM Blair

an almost lacy feel

like ache and yearn and make weird hand gestures. Are you coming in to go to the party tonight is that tonight - when I go back to the apartment - nothing had really changed - at least - or something. I can come back anytime. your skin is soft but it also has an almost lacy feel

some outshining

so what ...
Since I am the least bit weaker than Atticus Finch ...
I'm a weak and untrustworthy man?
Please draft me into a smaller pool of men
with only tricksy losers available as reference

Introduction

The previous post, "The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars" takes the form if what I originally envisioned this blog consisting of. It is a loose page that was at the front of the front section of the broken file folder containing the remnants of "The Museum" an unfinished novel.

There were a number of different beginnings before that one. I'll make another post about how it was that the novel became something that was not finished and also probably never to be finished.

One major reason for typing them into the computer in the first place is that many if not most of the papers I have related to the museum are physical copies and the only copies I have. I have lost a but load of this. And those losings really played a factor in the changing of the novel and the unfinishingableness of the whole affair.

Some will be saved on The Dude. But that computer is in windows format and some of the files are in works not word. More importantly I do not have The Dude or access to him and I don't know if this situation will ever change (even slightly).

Now, the title for the first post was, "The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars". The title on the single sheet of paper I have contains the title "And the Rising Sun Outshone All the Night Stars" which is different and longer. I was thinking to just type the things in they way they were. But this one is sort of old and I ended up cutting a number of adjectives and adverbs. There were some faint pencil notations that I didn't get right away but now I see them but they weren't taken care of in the typing in. Obviously I didn't do much substantial editing.

I first typed it into a google document. Because I became worried about this being the internet and blogs being a publishing of things. Now I don't expect this to be published and I don't think anyone is reading this - well maybe in the future some robots will read it and up to ten or 20 people. But those robots have good memories. And I stuck a bunch of things in the museum folder which were more one off things that I added as sort of background type shit for the museum or they were thematically kind of similar.

Also, much of the writing is old. I started in 2000 but most of it was 2001-2 By 2003 I was already thinking it was a lost cause. But that didn't stop me from adding new bits

The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars

The Rising Sun Outshines The Stars


"Hurry up, we're going to miss it."
"What the fuck are you talking about Gregory? How can you miss the sunrise?"
"The point is to watch the sun rise over the ocean, yes? Well, if we aren't at the ocean at the time the sun rises, we will have missed it. The sun will rise, yes, but we won't see the sun rise over the ocean. So get your ass ready; I don't want to miss the sunrise."

I let out a hasty sigh. There were a number of objections I could have raised. Though, any one on its own would have been incidental to what I was feeling at the moment. I chose not to get sidetracked and let a dozen petty arguments slowly fizzle out into oblivion: tapped into the ashtray of words left unspoken, ideas left unformed.

He was already in the car when I breached the heavy threshold separating suburban home from everything else. The cold was a shock as we had been having something of an Indian summer. I saw my exhaled smoke hang slow and thick in the air. A dozen unrelated thoughts popped up but were gone as soon as I saw my brother's concerned eyes waiting from behind the wheel.

I sat down in the rusty red Honda and felt the familiar motions of a car in reverse as soon as I'd shut the door. My muscles habitually turned my left hand up and over to the seat belt dangling near the window. I paused for five seconds. I looked down at the lit cigarette in my right hand. I looked out at the predawn sky hunched over the familiar street flying past the window with unnatural speed. I looked at the young stubble on Gregory's grimacing face. Time slowed. The trees floated past and I could see each one clearly, a free-frame image of each before they whizzed past.

My left arm settled uneasily at my side. The seat buckle was left dangling. I took a long drag on the cigarette and held it deep in my lungs as I rolled down the window. A lifetime's obsession with auto safety ruined in one moment of resigned desperation. I wasn't sure if Gregory noticed or if he would say something if he did.