You walk down the street as if everything is fine

You decide to walk down the street as you would if there isn't anything wrong. Or, you walk down the street. The sky is bleary -but that could just as well be your eyes -you don't remember if you had breakfast as that decision seems to be relevant here as your achilles' heels, shin bones connected to your ankle bones muscles and pavement over slight gradients and significant noise in the mix making things harder in ways you can easily handle. You are walking, you bipedal human you. You know what it is to walk and you as you look up towards school, you realize you are there.

to say, "odd that it took so quick to walk here," and wander towards your locker

to receive bonus sensory information from the walk -if you've eaten breakfast already at this point in the narrative.

to go straight to the library.

No one sees you as you walk through the turnstile.

You decide to work your way through the exit to the library. You look back and realize that you are through already. Your feet are oriented northward. You know that this as you walk through what ammounts to a short-cut to your biology class in any event.

There is an odd tug at the right side of your right leg. You turn your head without really even registering the little degree of pain but knowing that it was peculiar.
To your surprise, you see a cart for library books with wheels on the bottom so it can be pushed.

To not even look at the cart hitting your leg -or maybe it was just you got your sweater caught in it -maintaining your turgid facade, turn to page the next in this series being oh, 78a

To at least use your eyes and take any temporary moment of thought or coincidence or change that seems real and true and good - to just go with that, go to another page. I should tell you, it isn't going to be a bunch of pages of an excursion in either event.

But the choice here is an important one because the past has a way of catching up to you. And while no matter what choice you choose to lead, you are going to make it to that science class (bio-chem as the class was more often called as science class). But based upon the way people know what you will have done, so you must know this always happens at the beginning.

thorn in the side of a man

The never forget bullshit never sat right with me. And now, America is still in denial. It takes a lot of work and introspection (granted, not America’s strong suit) but it is possible to recover. But it helps if you want to. If you recognize what behaviors are irrational or damaging. Look at which coping tools may have temporarily served some purpose but really cause more damage in other areas. Torturing suspected terrorists is a maladaptive coping mechanism that hurts America’s recovery.

You have to go to the root memories and normalize them. Work them into the real narrative flow of your life. So normalizing the events means taking away the sacred power of their pain. That pain is not holy pain. It is not untouchable pain. It is not good pain. At least it wasn’t for me and certainly isn’t for America. Yeah sure, you can have a reasonable reaction to unreasonable events. But you then have to understand that those reactions don’t work in most other situations.

Dismantle every change. Move on.

You neglect your journal, leaving it untouched for weeks.

Erin comes into your room. You heard her coming and she can see that you are at your desk. You're pretty sure this is going to be one of those times where you think it is bullshit she makes such a big deal of being Erin the human instead of Ms Botz, the science teacher. Hell, Ms Botz was already a nickname off of her full-name. It's Ms Botsukowski - but you aren't sure of the spelling. For a second you think maybe Erin is a made-up name.

But that tumbles out of your mind as Ms Botz is wearing her authority glasses. You wonder when you noticed about those purple glasses and how she always wears them when she is telling someone what to do. She is talking to you about your journal and what you have written in it lately. She knows you haven't been writing. You mention that you have been living the future and it slows you down to much to stop in the middle of things. You reject a couple nasty phrases you could say -hoping she'll go away.

You can't figure out what is making you the most upset about this whole thing. She didn't knock. You're increasingly positive that she does the thing with the authority glasses on purpose. And how the fuck does she know you haven't been writing anyways and you realize she has no special purchase on this new world. You decide that she has been leaning heavily on her teacher-student position with everyone from the class.

You still believe everything you all decided in there. And you are grateful that you made it to that science class and for all the support that came out of that. But Ms Botz is obviously having trouble finding spots in the new changing ways. So you know why she hovers, needles, and bosses her way through human contact.

But she is seriously starting to piss you off.


To make a snide comment about her glasses and follow that path towards a confrontation where you belittle her worth ... go to page 45.

To engage in frank, constructive dialog about your journal, whether Ms Botz -Erin -is going to be an equal, and why she has no special rights over your things or your actions because of her status from Before ... go to page 62

formatting

one idea is to just write and not worry so much about the format. the other was to get one of the official books and copy one of their formats verbatim. here is a picture from a site that has detailed explanations of the plots and the layout of choices going one or another place



anyways, I think that the entries with labels other than narrative proper should probably count towards the end word count. of course there is silliness here with a blog and not a word processor. I did edit a bit page one. I don't know about details for maybe a thing where there are edits done. I am adding another page from that website which I am stealing too much from. The domain is samizdat and it is dot cc so that makes me seem they are cool with shit. I don't know.


I have this feeling of wanting to take advantage of this. And for me the way that a story is told or the way that I would choose to make things go forward.

Ok, for me, I wouldn't learn a story in a straight narrative. I enjoy the side details and ok side details is wrong - parts that speak truth in giving a window into what it was actually like to experience the thing.


so much of history is completely misunderstood by the people doing it at a time. That is a bit silly sounding because I don't really fall into the camp of people are wrong about their motivations for shit (Marx vs Feurbach on people's experience of religion in their lives) but that say, Robert McNamara really thought that the Viet Nam War was about communism and still does not understand that they were fighting an anti-imperialist freedom struggle

you get this weight of the past. and that is a big part of the themes I want

WIth Apologies to the Real People

Choose Your Own Muffled Rumble

You are Tracey Blair


with Jonathon Fletcher
and Sinclair Lewis
and Dorothy Magee
and Elwayn Blair
and Alexander Blair
and Eric Blair
and William Blair
and Amary.


a tortuos affair of the mind

allowed to play out upon the backdrop of a fantastic novel.

more of a journey
and a shared day dream

choosing which way to go

Trying to hit up NaNoRiMo

and going to get choose your own adventure books to plot out which pages go where and what are the routes to what ends
with a view towards if collaborators are willing to write a page or more on certain limbs.

I don't know how much of a sketch to get out here tonight. It is just 1:18 am PST here on November 1 2010. I decided that this month is a gift from whatever god is and there are opportunities to use this time.

So I am going to try and dive into this. And also possibly dally.
daily